no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
