Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
