so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
