i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
