I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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