i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
