I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
