he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
50% drunk capacity currently
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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