Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
