People with herpes should wear stickers.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
did you just send me my own nude
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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