I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
