I puked a lego.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
