NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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