he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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