3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your face is a jimmy john
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
