He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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