My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
