his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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