he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
