i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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