then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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