Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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