Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
