Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
