It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
