great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
