I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
