I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
