HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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