hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize