you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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