i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
