Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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