The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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