he thought i was a dude.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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