She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
These tits shall not be calmed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
