I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
