Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
