Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
