Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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