I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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