oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
