why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
