she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she peed on how many people?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
