I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
