please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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