420 ftw
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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