literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
