yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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