Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
