You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A+ Viking dick
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
