super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
