i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
