i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
