Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
