i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
