im six kinds of drunk right now
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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