I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
