I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize