The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
