I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
