Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We need a shit load of segways right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
