Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
