Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
