I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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