you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
