Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
