If that was your dad, he is hot
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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