I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
