Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
