If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize