I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
