Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
