I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
two words: eviction party
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
