just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dignity is for republicans.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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