I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
